Today I had a liberating conversation with a friend from my French class at school. She and I have developed a good acquaintance, having similar tastes in music, humor, and a love for profanity. After class, it was obvious that she wanted someone to talk to so we went to the Starbucks on campus. She started opening up about the shit-storm that’s been her life for the past few weeks. Betrayal by friends and family, and the death of a close family friend and her dog.
We began discussing theology (not something I’ve cared to think about recently) and why horrible things are allowed to happen and such other things that Christians talk about. To make a long story short, I told her about my resentment towards my university and the hypocritical people there, my butchered relationship with my parents…and my loss of faith towards God.
Although she felt moved to tell me the typical rhetoric in regards to my sexual orientation, which I know she meant to be out of love and that she wasn’t trying to be judgemental, she also told me something that I feel undeniably true. That when we harbor negativity and bitterness in our hearts, our thoughts began to mirror those negative feelings and we get trapped in this horrible cycle. Because hatred and negativity are the opposite of love and God is the embodiment of love and is absent from hatred, we separate ourselves from God by allowing hatred to take over our hearts. We have to be in daily communication with God or else it seems we forget how to let go of that negativity and allow Him to bless us with the good.
I’ll admit that I’m skeptical towards the Bible and that I don’t feel comfortable entrusting my morality to a collection of books that are thousands of years old. What I do know is this: there is a god that created me, who underwent suffering for my sake, and whose love knows no bounds. While I’m getting reacquainted with this loving, amazing god, I pray that I’m humble enough to accept whatever revelations he gives me about my life.